Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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