We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
