ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
