Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
