Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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