her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
