Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
