He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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