How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
