why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drake has all the answers
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
