That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
