Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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