It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
