BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
