theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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