My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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