i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize