We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Randomize
