I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
