Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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