"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
