If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
