Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
