guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
