ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
