why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
