Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
