phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize