I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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