So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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