I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just gargled with NyQuil
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
