She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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