Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You dont lie about slip and slides
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
