i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
