i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
