I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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