just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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