Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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