That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
