smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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