But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Couch. On fire.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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