You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
