At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize