Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it because I queefed?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize