I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
