woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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