Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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