I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
