Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
