I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
