So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
