they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
