The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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