Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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