dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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