Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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