we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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