oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
