if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
do nipples grow back?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize