end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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