I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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