she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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