how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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