I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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