Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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