my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
