You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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