Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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