take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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