Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
