I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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